I woke up on this amazing Sunday and did my morning rituals – made myself a cold iced Americano, got my laptop and started writing. Once I sat down to write and had my first sip of coffee I realized that it was weak, I wanted it a bit stronger. So I went and made a second espresso to make it stronger.

There is a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend that I heard about, let’s call her Stella. This amazing human being wakes up every day and goes to a job that she hates, a job that she can’t stand. A job that makes her miserable and a job that makes her hate Mondays and love Fridays. Because she is a strong individual she went and talked to her HR manager about certain things that she doesn’t like at her company but unfortunately she didn’t get the result she desired.

The problem is that Stella has fallen into a depression like many people do. Stella has two options; the first option is to look for answers, get a new job, find a purpose, see where her skills are, what her passion is, find books, conferences, coaches and then take action on what she learned. The second option is to complain about how bad life is, how bad the economy is, how bad her HR manager is and tell her friends that her life is so bad so she can feel better about herself and hopefully her friends will feel sorry for her.

The majority of her friends will tell her that it’s others people fault, the majority will tell her that it’s okay and that there are better days ahead, they will tell her that she deserves the best and that she is so special. She might have a friend that will tell her the brutal truth, which most probably she will not like. The friend that will tell her the truth will ask her hard questions; why don’t you like your job? Are you really giving your best? What books are you reading? What conferences are you attending? What are you doing today to change your situation? These are some of the hard questions that she needs to answer.

Complaining doesn’t help anybody, it just makes us feel good in the moment. It doesn’t solve the real problem. We can complain all day about something, but if we don’t solve the problem nothing will change. If we continue to complain it’s inevitable that we will be in the same position next year as we are today. The solution is to stop wasting energy on complaining and start looking for solutions, because there is always a solution.

The only person that can help Stella is herself. It’s really that simple. It’s not the HR manager, it’s not her friends, it’s not her neighbors, it’s not the economy, it’s herself. She needs to look deep and to start doing things. Looking for another job, reading books on how she can add more value in to her company, improving her communication, attending the Think Beyond Conference and tons of other things.

Do you think that she will attend a conference? I doubt it. She is learning how to manage her pain and accept it. She will attend when she is really tired of her situation and then she will start searching and looking.

Just like my coffee this morning, which was weak but I wanted to make it stronger, I had to go and make a second espresso to make it stronger. I had to realize that there is a solution to my ‘problem’. The first step is to become conscious about the problem and then doing something about it. Me sitting on the balcony and complaining about it will not make my coffee stronger.

Everything is in our hands, we are all responsible for how we drink our coffees and we are all responsible for how we live our lives; today we have a choice to make; to live with purpose, to look for purpose and meaning, or to continue doing what we love. To love ourselves enough to move out of our comfort zone or to stay the same. We make the choices.